I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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