dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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