Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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