3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
