2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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