If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Randomize
