i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
