This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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