This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
