Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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