you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
