absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
