it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
This is my gift to your gina
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
