She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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