You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
