ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
how does that bad decision feel?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
