i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
