My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
