Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
