Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just found a bag of teeth...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
