a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We had sex on a dog bed..
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
