I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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