Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
