According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
