i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
