New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
