Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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