You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
