There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Randomize
