New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
