i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
