is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
