Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
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