am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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