it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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