yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
