dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
