i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
