I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
