you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
