is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
