I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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