you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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