I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
