well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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