she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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