This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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