I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You just made me feel so damn special
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
