There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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