I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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