Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
