My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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