He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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