Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
