and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
